Losing

Sitting next to you in this room is hurting me. How dare you said that you were alright, when your body is laid in this bed again and again. How dare you said that you were alright when this stupid tube still on your body. 'How dare you said that you were alright? How? How? Tell me how!?' I scream in silent and crying with your hand is holding my hand. You keep your eyes on me, just like before.

"Stop crying, i will be home soon, I'm promise" you say that word in smile. In smile! you hear me ? IN SMILE! "Can you stop saying those words!?" I begging you. I still crying but you in the other hand is smiling like there is nothing to worried. No words to answer my question you replace it with your laugh. "If i said i'm okay, its mean i am" again you smiling after you said those stupid words. After all stupid words you said to me, you gone. You leave me in this cruel world. You go to other world and never comeback. And i dont how to express my emotion that day. I just staring your grave and say nothing. No crying, no screaming, and no tears. All people say that i can't accepted  my loss. But actually, i do what you said before you go to that place. "Promise me, you will not crying if something bad is happemd to me, and you have to promise me you will get that degree and be a tecaher okay?" and then i never hear your body is breathing. 

After that day, i keep my body  busy so it will help me forget about you. Study untill i feel numb. Dating with other person to help me forget about you. Untill the day when i get my degree and for the first time after ten years i go to your grave with a flower and my degree sertificate. "Hey, its been a long time right? how are you?" I smile as always. I take out my instax and ready to take a polaroid with you. "one, two, and say chesee!" take the polaroid and stick it to your grave. " Here some gift for you, Happy Birthday and see you when i see you" I stand up and ready to leaving you. I turn around for the last time and i see you right there, standing in white clothes with a smile and a polaroid in your hands.